Verbal Masterbation

A Christian's Dare

2008-03-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

To argue A Historical Jesus never existed.

“Impossible!” “I saw Jesus on south park!” “Word to Jesus man, Jesus is the Word! Read the damn bible”, “Jesus drives for Nascar!” "Jesus is mentioned over and over by period authors" I laugh in the face of all those crazy claims. Not because I think its impossible. But because I see no reason why I or you, should accept that this particular historical and named figure or any other historical and named figure actually existed without some evidence to back that claim up first.

And because I saw Jesus on south park too..

There’s different levels of evidence and I suppose an argument might be that I’m setting the bar a little to high and that history needs to be given some freedom after so many centuries have gone by. And maybe I should read more scripture, let god into my heart, wrap aluminum foil around my forehead to repel all the Atheist mind tricks broadcasted at me everytime I hold a spoon and forget this whole crazy game of who has the bigger, blacker truth..

And if I didn’t think the arguments I have created an air tight case, I might give that a little thought. But lucky for you im a smug and cocky bastard and im absolutely confident Christianty’s one of histories biggest mind-fucks.

First, there’s absolutely no foundation or physical evidence to support a historical Jesus.
Big claim? Maybe.. To big?

Immediately, I know what you’re thinking.
What the hell ever happened to those Burger King commercials, they were fucking brilliant and were probably the only reason I or anyone else I know ate that shit back then. But I’ll post about that some other time. Right now lets get back to me working my ass off to get into a Christian hell.

There’s no artifacts, ruins, art, self made carpentry, not even a widdled piece of wood or self written manuscripts at all linked to God # 2. In fact every single one of the claims about Jesus come from other people’s writings.

Lets narrow in on that for a sec. The exact beginning of the four Gospels (thanks Tom!) has always been a mystery as im going to try and show using History and actual facts And I wont make any claims that can’t be backed up through a very simple search for those Christians reading who still get caught up sounding out the words.

At no point in history does any one person claim to really know who wrote either of the four Gospels, when or where and have the evidence to trace it back to those people. We’d all of converted a long time ago if they that kind of evidence. All four could have been scribed anywhere from Upper Egypt to Narnia. The unsubstantiated dates for them range from about the earliest guestimate of 50 CE, to 150CE at the upper most, with a minority thinking somewhere well through the 4th century CE give or take. Google it if you want.

Moreover there isn’t a single contemporary Roman record that anything about Pontius Pilate executing a man named Jesus-anything. Devastated yet? One does hope.

Historians have long acknowledged that there isn’t a single contemporary word that mentions Jesus at all in fact. Plenty of day to day shit about squabbles between Romans and Jews and other mundane events like taxes, letters about other figures from the time.

But no baby Jesus.?

Other accounts.

All accounts we have about Christian God # 2 were written well after Jesus was supposed to of died. They’re all made by veiled unknown authors, people who never claimed to meet Jesus at all, or fraudulent, mythical writings that history scoffs at and doesn’t pay much credence too. But those are neither here nor there and I wont focus to much on those realities in this post.

The actual dates will be more then good enough to prove the point. They’ll show that even if these sources weren’t citing make-believe, they unfortunately still wouldn’t be a reliable source of evidence for a historical Jesus because they all come from word of mouth long after God #2 apparently took one for the team on the cross..

In other words its Hearsay.
Modern scholarship, as well as any Court of law in most western countries would never normally allow word of mouth as testimony in a trial.. (Hear)-(say) provides not a shred of valid evidence to support a claim and is therefore widely dismissed. You can’t prove the bible by using the actual book and theology in question after all. No matter how good you think you can quote it.

For example, the consensus of a majority the bibles historians date the earliest Gospel, the Gospel of Mark, at about a little after 70 C.E. The last, the Gospel of John after 90 C.E. [Pagels, 1995; Helms] look that up. This would make it more then 40 years after the mythical crucifixion of God #2 was supposed to of taken place.

Various Christian denominations (take your pick) claim the authors as “Mark, Luke, Matthew, & John” (Again, Thanks Tom for enlightening me about what to look for and where.) But most academic scholars simply acknowledge that there isn’t any evidence at all for this and that the dates they’re traced to make this claim incredibly unlikely if not impossible considering most people back then lived till about 35/40. Contrary to the (99% of scholars who believe Jesus existed of which I can’t find any evidence for, or the statistics to back that claim of yours up Emanuel, sorry man. I did look for you.).

But embarrassingly enough a lot of Bibles still label the stories as "The Gospel according to St. Matthew," "St. Mark," "St. Luke," St. John."

If you don’t think that’s screwed logic in and of itself you’re mixing your medication with the wrong kitchen cleaners. No apostle, not a one could of ever announced his own sainthood before the Church's establishment of the idea of saints in the first place.?
Of the four Gospels, obviously one of them had to come first, and one of the reasons that Mark is considered the first of the four because its the least detailed of the set.

The author of Mark seems surprisingly oblivious of any virgin birth story and makes no mention at all of it. The birth stories in Matthew and Luke are both completely different from each other, while they both contain the core of Mark.

Also, who ever the author is of the Gospel of Luke, he flat out admits himself as an interpreter of earlier material and not an eyewitness to any of the actual events. In other words he bases his writings on other Christian writings. (Luke 1:1-4).

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+1:1-4

The stories by themselves can’t possibly serve as examples of eyewitness accounts since they came as products of thought from totally unknown authors, and not from the characters in and around the Gospels themselves. The Gospels describe stories, written almost completely in the third person. People who want to portray themselves as eyewitnesses write in the first person, not in the third?

Mind Readers.

Most of the passages that are directly linked to God # 2 could only have been invented by a bored author if you wanna stick with common sense.

Do you.. hate common sense?.

For starters, a lot of the statements God #2 was supposed to of made were made by him while he was allegedly alone. If that’s the case, who heard him? Take out your bubble wrap cause the crazy doesn’t stop there..

Its even more obvious when the evangelists report about what Jesus thought in his own head. Who did God #2 confide all his thoughts too then when the Gospels were written well after his own death and resurrrection? To anyone who has ever taken a creative writing class, each Gospel uses common techniques that any fictional writer would use even today.

No Silly Rabbit.. Tricks are for kids..

The first mention of Jesus by Josephus came from Eusebius (an early bishop and Christian historian) -- (none of the earlier church fathers even mention Josephus' Jesus, weird, eh?) As you can see for yourself, or run your fingers over and make a pretty good guess, Christians embarrass themselves when they violate the rules of historiography by using after the fact writings as evidence of the event itself. Not one of these writers gives a source or backs up its assertions about Jesus. Although its not exactly hard to see why.

We can cut to the chase right now just by quoting dates the documents that do exist and the birth dates of the authors attributed to those documents that are so often thrown around to support a historical Jesus. .

But first lets reiterate that it doesn't matter what these people wrote about Jesus, an author who writes after the alleged happening and gives no detectable sources for his material can only give example of hearsay and would be labeled complete fiction if it didn’t already have so many sheep behind it willing to jump off a cliff if the next version of the bible tells them too.

All of these references to Jesus could very easily have come from the beliefs and stories from Christian believers themselves. Unless you wanna make the assertion there wasn’t a single believer in Christ from the time of his death till after the Gospels were written, and if that’s your game, I’d really like to see how that works out for you. And as we know from myth, superstition, and faith, beliefs never require facts or evidence to dig themselves into the popular psyche.

What’s even more interesting then what people wrote about Jesus is what they didn’t write about him. Consider for a second that not a single historian, philosopher, scribe or follower who lived before or during the same time as Jesus ever mentions him?

If that doesn’t kick the bitch outta bed lets go in another direction.

Other Jesus’s

One of the usual arguments is that if we can’t rely on the later writings about Jesus, then we can’t rely on any real historical foundation for other figures such as Alexander the Great (who was also known as the son of god), Augustus Caesar, Napoleon, etc.

Fortunately there’s a vast difference between historical figures and Jesus. There’s either artifacts, writings, or eyewitness accounts for real people. For Jesus we have fuck all.

Alexander, for example, cut his way through continents and cultures. He destroyed and created cities behind him. We have buildings, libraries and temples built by him. We have treaties, and even a letter from Alexander to the people of Chios, engraved in stone, dated all the way back to 332 B.C.E.

Real people leave us with contemporary evidence, but for Jesus we have nothing there to back up his existence besides after the fact documentation by people who never even met him. If we wanted to present a fair comparison of the type of information about Jesus to another example of equal historical value, we couldn’t do any better than to compare Jesus with Horus, or Hercules.

An Atheist recently told me there’s problems with that argument. Here’s why I disagree.

The "evidence" for Hercules closely follows everything we have for Jesus. We have historical people like Hesiod and Plato who mention Hercules in their writings. Just like the Gospels paint a pretty story of Jesus. We have epic stories of Homer who describe the life of Hercules. Aesop(sp?) tells stories and quotes the words of Hercules directly.

And just like we have a brief mention of Jesus by Joesphus in his Antiquities, Joesphus also mentions Hercules (more times than he does Jesusin the very same work.

Tacitus mentions a “Christus”, But he also mention Hercules more times in his works then he does Jesus.. And most importantly, just as we have no artifacts, writings or eyewitnesses about Hercules, we don’t have any about Jesus. All information about Hercules and Jesus comes from stories, beliefs, and hearsay.

Should we believe in a historical Hercules, just because ancient historians mention him and we have colorful stories and beliefs about him? That sounds insane doesn’t it?.

The same logic has gotta apply to Jesus if we want any consistency in history
Some critics don’t think a historical Jesus could have been created completely outta myth and still continue today without some truth in there to keep it going because they can’t think of any precedence for it.

But think about it,
We have a lot of examples of myth from history, what about the other way around? This doubt falls flat on its face in front of the most obvious example. The Greek mythologies where Greek and Roman writers including Diodorus, Cicero, Livy, etc., assumed that there must have existed a historical root for figures such as Hercules, Theseus, Odysseus, Minos, Dionysus, etc. These writers put their mythic heroes and demi-gods into an invented historical time line and traced their birth back generations.

Herodotus, one of my favorites, for example, tried to determine when Hercules lived.
The Egyptian god Horus, god of light and goodness has many parallels with Jesus too. [Leedom, Massey]

Osiris, Hercules, Mithra, Hermes, Prometheus, Perseus and a lot of others compare to the Christian myth wit the very same evidence there behind them. All allegedly had gods for fathers, virgins for mothers; had their births announced by stars; had been born on the solstice around December 25th; had tyrants who tried to kill them in their infancy; met violent deaths; rose from the dead; and nearly all got worshiped by "wise men with beards" and had allegedly fasted for forty days. [McKinsey, Chapter 5]

None of these myths say about a historical reality, but they do say a lot about believers, how they believed, and how their beliefs spread from culture to culture in that part of the world.

Belief can’t replace historical fact, and claims that come from nothing but word of mouth don’t amount to an honest attempt to get at the facts. Even with eyewitness accounts we gotta be careful. We don’t believe every Martian sighting or report of Bigfoot that makes the news, and at least they’re considerate enough to provide the blurry pictures too.. So why don’t we apply the same critical thinking skills most of us apply to those subjects to Religious claims? Why do so many people just assume a historical Jesus really existed?
Of course a historical Jesus might have existed after all, Maybe based loosely on a living human even though his actual history got lost, but this amounts to nothing but vivid speculation.

So if anyone wants to sit there and claim to have evidence of an actual flesh and blood witness to a historical Jesus, im all for having it shoved in my face,

But first I’d need to ask for the author's birth date.
Anyone who's birth occurred after an event can’t by any stretch of the imagination or logic act as an eyewitness, or evidence of an event, or person.

As a side note to cap this off, I’d like to leave you with a few words from Jesus about all this crazy speculation Christians do.

"If I [Jesus] bear witness of myself, my witness is not true." (John 5:31)

"I [Jesus] am one that bear witness of myself..." (John 8:18)

According to these scriptures, Jesus was a false witness.

Pro-Choice Vs Pro-Life: Part Three

2008-03-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

WindowLicker #1:

"Comment: I was at the Tuesday’s Debate. Michael Payton is a fucking douchebag. Jojo is out fighting for rights of unborn Canadians. These are members of our country, Payton couldn’t deal with Jojo so he just attacked him personally. Way to exercise those thinking skills! Way to act professionally in a debate! He even attacked the moderater! WTF was that? The ONLY guy in the room willing to listen to Payton’s hate speech against the unborn and he attacks the guy after it was clear he lost the debate! LMAOThere is no way that this cheap imitator could hold a candle to Jojo and the evidence he brought… Payton couldn’t stand to watch the abortion video so he said it wasn’t important. That was the best part “So… you can’t have evidence at a trial?” Jojo completely killed him!Seriously?

This guy claims to be so fucking smart. I’ve have fucking hamsters that are smarter than you… Why don’t you open up a embryology textbook and realize how dumb you are! Definition of life: something that is alibe!But what else could I expect from an atheist ;) I read his article on morality in excal. and I couldn’t stop laughing! Only some evolution-loving Dawkins-blowing atheist could ever think of something like genes controlling morality. Haven’t you read ‘Not in our Genes?’… it was written by a Harvard Geneticist… maybe you should go back to high school and learn to read… or try going to a place like Harvard and seeing if your stupid arguments stand up for three seconds…

There is no data for your side. Honestly though, I was hoping the atheists could make a decent argument for a change, but all I saw was Payton attacking Priests, Jojo and the moderator. Maybe you should try getting laid for a change… maybe that’s what you were doing trying to suck up to the feminists ;) You atheists would love to take me Bible. If Payton wants to bring it with me, now’s the time! Maybe Jojo’s to nice to say it… but I know where your going…"

My reply:

If your post made you look anymore stupid, we’d have to water you twice a week. Honestly, wtf? I’m trying to follow why you thought walking in here and drooling all over the floor like you started sipping the kool-aid a little early would make you look like anything more then a vegetable with a paper hat.

To be a Canadian citizen you have to actually be born here. Move here, or drift here on a door and speak one or both of the official languages. There are parrots who qualify more as a Canadian citizen then a foetus. And most of them could probably count higher then you, too. They don’t get as distracted when they run out of fingers.If you weren’t so busy looking for Jesus in your french toast to pay attention during the debate and do your research you’d know all Michael did was point out the moderators actual background. If your going to sit there and pretend he treated both parties equally your an even bigger Nazi comet chaser then the moderator when he called the womens movement facism.

The brightest thing "JoJo" said all night was his name.
He didn’t say an honest, logical, rational thing during the entire presentation. If anyone did lite a candle near him, like all shit, him and his evidence would of kept burning through the night. And if you weren’t so busy kicking ass at colour by numbers in special Ed you’d of learned how to tell the difference. "

Pro-choice VS Pro-life. - Part two

2008-03-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

My reply to his Blog post on another blog:

"Fuck Jose. Wow.

Nice to see you set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public again. But you could throw your own shit at the wall and still come out of it looking more sane and less like a tool then you do right this minute. Your positions gone down more times than a whore’s drawers and you still can’t fit together a string of rational sentences that back a thing you say up with any validity.?

I know how it is, everyone’s always trying to throw facts or logic at you like it makes some kinda sense. But I know that’s not how you role and if I could figure out how to have an interactive Muppet read you this post, I would.

Pregnancy is a very dangerous and potentially life threatening medical condition that literally changes the world for that women if it doesn’t pop out of her chest first and eat her alive. That clump of tissue and cells doesn’t have a world to be irreversibly damaged and destroyed if that pregnancy isn’t a planned or safe one. It’s no more human then a giant stem cell on a swing set.

But dude, if you’re going to campaign on it why cut the pseudo-logic off there. Lets move to ban the removal of every potentially fatal mass of cells in a body? I can get behind this shit too. Heart transplants are a huge waste of money to the Canadian medical system. Dude, lead the charge and lets throw those bitches out the window along with liver transplants and blood transfusions. Lets be consistent and rational, why play favourites?

Why waste perfectly good Organs who have just as much right to be there as the skeletal system or those smug bastards in your chest, like Alveoli. Nature put them there to grow and live out they’re natural life cycle, lets throw the appendix and gull bladder in there too and let those sick little fuckers at sick kids go home to Jesus. Because there’s no way in hell they’re worth anymore then what they got going on inside.

Right now its to fucking obvious someone’s been pissing into the wrong end of the gene pool somewhere in your family tree and you need to take a step back and collect yourself. The more you prattle and bitch about nonsense that doesn’t convince anyone but under-medicated socially dependent morons who have the psychologically maturity of a doorknob.. The harder it is for you to cover up the fact your parents are brothers. You have the moral I.Q. of someone who just staggered out of a sheep orgy and im still trying to figure out how you feed yourself. The fact that you’ve taken it upon yourself to tell women what is or isn’t the right choice for they’re body is a joke.

I’m sure, once a upon a time, there was a 12 year old ready to flush you down the toilet, too. So im not totally shocked and awed that your this screwed up at this point in your life. You’re the kind of man that’s a blueprint for building an idiot. And there’s some small village out there wondering where the hell you wandered off too and why they can’t hear the bell they tied around your neck no more..

I’d like to leave you with a final thought…But im not totally fucking convinced you have anywhere to put it. You’re a total walking fucking contradiction and the ultimate nail in the coffin that it isn’t necessary to understand a thing about Abortion to argue about them. You remind me of the dude who used to lurk underneath the stairs at parties in high school, licking everyone’s feet as they pass by."

Pro-choice VS Pro-life?

2008-03-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That’s what it was like listening to a Guest lecture speak this week on campus.

On March 19th I went to a rescheduled abortion debate at York that a campus club I’m involved with was participating in.. Michael Payton argued in favour of legalized abortion and Jose R*** argued against.. No one really knew what he was argueing against because he dodged every question anyone, even the pro-life audience members had for him

Jose's presentation and the question and answer period in the Pit after was like the place a god would go, if he had to stop doing blow.. It was a total farce from the very beginning that they even let that victim of radiated birth control off his short-bus without a helmet and chalk before he started his presentation. His position was an assault on rationality and reality and the crazy fact so many "so called" educated botched abortions in their own right showed up to cheer the fucker on in a University is a gut punch to educational institutions everywhere. And every stupid person for pro-life there would of appreciated the irony if they weren't so busy trying to eat it. I'm offended he's allowed to waste my Oxygen

Most of the reason why im so angry is how he responded to questions in the Pit afterwards. If it wasn't sad enough that the window lickers in Campus for Christ embarrassed themselves by trying to throw together deranged ideas in his defence about what they learned about biology and the letter *B* from Sesame street. But when he started to compare pro-life to the civil rights movement, I just had to tell him he was a fucking moron and got up and walked out.

I have no idea how they managed to get someone who crawled outta the trash at an abortion clinic to be their spokesmen, But they get props from me for being immediately relevant. Because now im thrilled I got to see first hand exactly why plenty of mammals eat their own young before shit goes that fucking wrong with one individuals head.

6 new things to officially be afraid of. - 2008

2008-03-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Our parents feared the soviets, swimming in a body of water that looked deep enough to hide Jaws, Mushroom clouds and retaliation from the moon. Our grandparents survived the Great Depression, two world wars and the devils new music. While our great grandparents fled from Napoleon and Alexander the Great, or whatever. But aside from the usual things like Madcow, Super political candidates, Terrorists on planes, and the Oxygen Network. Our generation has had little to be afraid of. So here are 6 new things that you can officially panic about.

1. Homeless people who want to shake your hand
Just when you thought giving away money was the worst thing homeless people could ask you to do, they come up with this. Once in a while, if a homeless guys really nice or has some special skill like juggling syringes in the rain, Ill throw a few cents his way. But I draw the line at shaking hands and touching... For all the homeless people reading this, (Cause im sure you all have brand new Dells hiding in your cardboard box my nickels are paying for.. ) Please know that I have nothing against you personally. I’m just playing the odds that you have some horrific contagious disease.

2. Cross fire between Pirates and Ninjas
It was bound to happen eventually and the ticking bomb finally went off when an epic battle between Ninjas and Pirates broke out as a Japanese tanker, probably carrying magical charms and gold was hijacked by Somalian Pirates off the coast of Africa. Coalition navel forces in the area searched for the ship but it entered Somalian territorial waters and disappeared for days. It’s not yet known whether or not the crew had enough time to vanish into the shadows or declare their 5 stealth bonus and get their free turn... But today the ultimate fate of ships on our waterways is a little more uncertain.

3. Fourteen foot Burmese pythons
In the span of two weeks last year in Miami, three enormous Burmese pythons were found or captured. The first one tried to swallow an entire alligator and exploded halfway through. Scientists predict that this is also how Ann Coulter will die. The second one was captured alive in someone’s backyard after eating an old ladies outdoor cat, which was really a dick move no matter who you ask. Now, the other 103 cats she owns live with the fear, not knowing which one of them's going to disappear next.. The latest python was also captured alive, this time in a fish pond, and, under Floridas strict trespassing laws, it will be released immediately back into the Republican Party.

4. Perfect storms.
In the past couple of years you've seen what a place a god would go if he had to stop doing blow would look like after it sinks under rising waters. You've had to plan your day around puddles and snow drifts strategically dotted in front of your door. While every time a new holiday is just around the corner, every last one of you is looking around for the next ugly kid you need to kick over the side of that local volcano, hoping to hell there are enough people out there with the same idea as you trying to bring about that dry long weekend. And because of all that you/re as much a victim of global warming, big business, and Mother Nature going through her "change" as the rest of us.

5. Chinese-Made Toy Recall

Just when you thought it was safe to lick the paint from your Tonka truck Mattel sticks it to you again with another Chinese made toy recall due to led content in their export products. As if kids today didn't have enough to worry about with school bullies, Michael Jackson hiding behind every school bag and 45% of marriages ending in divorce because they wont take a bath or finish the rest of their peas, they get kicked in the gut with news like this, bound to drive a few of them back to the bottle and that liquid crack they call chocolate milk..

6. Stem Cell Breakthrough

In November, two groups of scientists in Japan and Wisconsin announced that they had found a way to reprogram human skin cells to behave like embryonic stem cells without having to make or destroy any embryos. Paving the way for new research into Cancer cures, and Organ replacement research. For some reason fundamentalists in the Bible belt think this new breakthrough puts an end to the need for embryonic stem cell research. And if they want to sacrifice their extra skin for that they're welcomed too it. But if they want my skin cells they'll have to pry them out of my cold, dead fingers.

Cause.. Cause that's where I keep my skin cells, my cold, dead fingers...

Japan Vs Spring Break.

2008-03-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

These first few weeks of school are an exciting time for new students. Sort of like deer caught up in head lights there are a lot of flashy, shinny new things to keep us busy in college and university. But by the time week two rolls around all you start thinking about is where you're going to go for Your first real spring break. If you like to travel as much as I do and have already wasted away in Cancuum already you might be feeling a more exotic vibe come at you this year where you can have your weeks worth of fun in the sun...

There's really only one other Option left.
Japan..!

In reviewing the many pieces of interesting websites and tv shows I've been able to gather information on over these past few weeks about this new and foreign world I've been able to start painting a picture and putting together my own list of what life must be like over there in Japan..

Japans a wealthy industrious nation with a rich cultural and technological heritage. With endless beaches and more then its share of island weather.. Some of their greatest accomplishments to date and the best reasons to go are as follows.:

1. 1) Doing away with the redundant and useless Fork and Spoon in favor of the superior and more functional Asian Twig and Stick..
2) The real fine stitching in the soles of every pair Nike shoes I now own.
3) Hello Kitty dolls that'll jump, play and "love you long time."
4) A robot that can finally walk up and down a flight of stairs and who will one day be groomed to save us all from our giant slow moving Dragon masters with radioactive breath they're science has shown us all really do exist.

2. Having one foot in history and another firmly planted forward the glorious empire of Japan celebrates and remembers their traditional roots of ritual song and dance every weekend with Super crazy happy time showdowns on stage to greats like The captain and Tinel and The Monkey's..

3. The sporting industry in Japan has worked long and hard over the years to escape long held western stereo types and beliefs that all the Japanese do are Martial arts like Crane, or Tiger.. They've done so by showcasing many of Japans other national interests where they've come to not only dominate foreign competition over the years, but they'll also round house kick them in the neck and throw shinny metals stars at their chests..

4. Finally. The Japanese are a very smart, wise and fearless people who will own your ass every time you try to play Halo 2 with an energy sword on Xbox Live.

Behind The Power

2008-03-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

This week Fearless leader with a horseshoe, CIA microphone, and entire rabbit on a chain shoved up his ass, stepped down as president of Cuba and joins the ranks of powerful men with beards that dot our worlds history.
˜
Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular?
Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?

No stupid.
From Chewbacca, Thor, South American Revolutionaries, Chuck Noris, and Lincoln. Beards have created legends outta otherwise average, maybe mediocre men around the world. But why has facial hair of all things been such a driving force for power?

Humans are history's hairless apes; we've been trying to evolve as far away from hair as fast as our knuckles could drag us for millions of years. All so we could strut around all smug and cocky like in front of our hairy cousins who dot Revlon lab table around the world. While they sit there in diapers picking lice out of each others fur, dying inside and regretting the day they ever dared race man to space.

In the end, it doesn't matter why facial hair has bestowed so much power to men, and sometimes women, in our countries, cults and cultures around the world.. All you little people without them have to worry about is which furry face you're going to swim away from on a door. Before we all come get you..

13 things I've learned so far taking Psychology.

2008-03-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

1. Scientologists there for Multicultural week are not trying to feed off my life force. Or steal my seed.
2. Throwing Garlic will not ward off Scientologists who really want at my life force, I should not keep trying.
3. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to protest parking fees.
4. Mandatory assignments do *not* need to be ratified by a 3/5th majority.
5. Submitting a Critique of a *Peer reviewed* paper doesn't mean the dude next to me thinks my He-man sketch is killer.
6. Should not accuse my T.A. of being Skeletor, even if they didn't like He-man.
7. Not yet qualified to conduct psychological experiments on other students with rats..
8. Starting each Essay with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...." Is creepy, and I should stop ..
9, I am not authorized to change university policy or cancel class when I want sleep.
10. The faculty of Arts isn't the BigMac academy and i should stop taunting their drive-thru.
11. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought to Lecture.
12. Pokémon® trainer is not my major.
13. Atlantis, the Masons, or Gray Aliens are not feeding me wrong answers. "Not ever, not even.. maybe.. Eric"

Yule - Save your souls this holiday season.

2008-03-04T14:01:00.001-08:00

So its that time of year again.

No, not the three way throw down between Crack Baby Jesus, G.I. Allah, and Tom Cruise. Depending on who the Jews throw their money behind im sure it’ll be a great couple of weeks. But before that can all go down there’s something even more important we need to get out of the way.

We’re all thinking it.
And its just about time someone’s had the balls to say it out loud.

Someone’s gotta kill Santa Clause..

First, I’m fine with helping out small hungry orphans, waddling around on a peg leg or crutch as much as anyone. Hell, If they don’t talk to, or try to touch me, and theirs a chance they wont blow it all on rye and hookers, I’ll throw a few nickel at em.
It’s that season..

But when a large shifty looking man with a white beard and pimped fur coat tries to extort me into giving him cash because he has a bell and a box. Salvation army my ass, I’ve seen enough Christmas specials to know one of us is about to die. And im willing to play the odds it takes him longer to put his cigarette out on his tongue, drop his bell and reach for his sharpened rusty spoon then it does for me to grab the kid with the crutch and start swinging for my life..

I like Christmas, the shinny lights, trees, and the anticipation of getting and giving-mostly getting- of gifts every year. It’s how I judge who gets my love. But If the whole concept of an old scraggly haired Coca-cola spokesperson, who can fly and somehow trick his own cult of little people into dressing up like peter pan, to break into your home every year, and who knows your name, address, and how many times you’ve bought Pepsi doesn’t widdle away at your will to live, then he’s taken your soul years ago..

So im putting it out there right now for him to read that i don’t care how many Midgets you own or what charity you say you beg for. You’ll have to do a lot better then paint your Grocery cart full of coke cans green cause im sick of wondering whether this is going to be the year you finally eat me old man.. If you put me on that list, I’ll cut you..

Here's 25 Things I learned taking Police foundations.

2008-03-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

1. May not threaten anyone with the Dark Arts.
2. May not challenge disbelief of Dark Arts by asking for hair.
3. Never ever add "As is prophesy" to the beginning or end of a police report your being graded on.
4. Do not buy, sell or trade anyone's soul on Prof: Ryans time.
5. Not allowed to join Sorority.
6. Not allowed to form new Sorority.
7. Must attempt to not antagonize a Constable at the campus Tim Hortons With taunts like, "Bad cop, No..No Doughnuts..!"
8. The Irish guy working the front gate really isn't after "Me frosted lucky charms".
9. Not allowed to let sock monkeys take responsibility for any of my actions during mid-terms.
10. Not allowed to let sock monkeys take my mid-terms.
11. Not allowed to chew gum in a lecture, unless I brought enough for everybody.
12. Not allowed to chew gum in lecture the next day even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
13. May not refer to any nursing professor from another program as "Dr Phil", or... or rub em on the belly.
14. Neither I, nor my alter ego, Kull, have any super-powers..
15. "Keep on Trucking" is *not* a psychological warfare message. And I should not over-react
16. Not allowed to yell "Take that pigs" at the shooting range.
17. I am not authorized to write prescriptions.
18. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad at a Hockey game.
19. I am not in need of a more suitable host body before a mini-test I forgot about..
20. I am not authorized to sell time shares on the Eaton Hall on Craig's list..
21. The proper title for a Justice of the peace in Canada is "Your worship" not The Dark Lord.
22. The following items do not exist: Halogen fluid, winter air for tires or Cabbits.
23. The revolution is NOT now OR during fire drills.
24. I do not get "that time of month"And it does not work as an excuse for being late to class...
25. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

Nature of time

2008-03-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

I think time is just a series of now moments all existing at the same time. But our brains existing in a three dimensional reality have to live by certain rules or guidelines that reality places on our consciousness in order to function in the space we find ourselves in. We have to perceive reality and time in a straight line. With our brains perceiving those series of moments being like a snapshot on a role an infinitely small film moving in that one straight direction appearing as if its all just one smooth flow.. Einstein I think said something to that effect too only I cant remember his exact quote.

So each of us have lived all of our incarnations and just one, all at the same time. Only our awareness of our own self and the reality we create within that self, that time and space define how close we are in that role of film in any given lifetime to that final incarnation. Where when its over well of achieved and earned true understand of were weve been and where were going. What understanding our path and choices have brought us. So we can move on to a totally new realities and continue our learning from a higher level of awareness and consciousness.

Reality of alternate perspectives.

2008-03-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

Reality of alternate perspectives.

Its all something I think a lot about. Its like something you can talk or theorize or wonder about and put some version of together. But you can't ever really understand what that version or that puzzle means, or what it exactly is no matter how hard you look at the picture you have of the complete reality of it.

Like a 2 dimensional entity trying to grasp a 3 dimensional world and seeing only circles and squares continually changing shape before them. We can't think in or even begin to grasp 4,5,6 etc dimensions. Our brains are incapable of it. Making the whole puzzle almost as if its forever beyond what we can ever understand.

Maybe just taking the journey and discovering what our limitations are will be what eventually lets us move past them. I dunno. Maybe that's where faith and philosophy meet and compliment science.

So Bigfoots shadow people everything you can imagine and invent in your own head. It all exists as much as we do in that pure raw potential that makes up reality. Nothing exists or doesn't exist more or less then anything else. Just pure raw potential that only has an illusion that one set manifests as reality instead of another.. Lockhness and ghosts and such. trolls and gnomes. whatever. Are every bit as much there as we are. And a possible reason why their seen now and then is because they may manifest into our potential reality now and then.

Since we're both, them and us, here and not really here at the same time.

As if theres no real structure, like a hologram of reality. except instead of a specific program there's just light or the probability of any program. The only reason why we have dominant ones that we mostly al experience is because potential can also exist within potential. or ideas in ideas.

Like our idea of reality and existence has certain parameters that some things can and can't manifest in except for the occasional leakage like where the reality's weak enough for other potentials to manifest in our view of reality.

Philosophies Meet Science

2008-03-03T16:59:00.000-08:00

Reality is an illusion but a stubbornly persistent one on a grand scale.. It has easily identifiable restrictions or laws that we can't just ignore or break. While also having the particles that make it all up which exist as potential till observed. So you have to conclude that its far more complex then just wanting or believing or how individual perception sees it as, when it comes to governing the whole of our shared reality. Whether you want a million dollars to appear in front of you, or to up and grow wings, it wont just happen.

Like, we all, our minds, thoughts, are total and complete universes onto themselves reacting with each other in another neutral universe. All these universes exist as perception, our own perception and observations and thoughts, and the common one we react to everyone else on, our individual universes work together to shape the reality of the common one. Which is why maybe we can alter a particle by observing it, cause our reality is our perception. But when we try to do the same thing on the neutral universe, where everyone and everything else are effected we cant because we have all these other universes coming from everyone and everything else neutralizing what ever we do. As if theres a balance struck between those universes and our individual ones taking form as our physics here..

But even that would be a poor description of the philosophy because were trying to describe the outside of the can from inside.
But bare with me anyway.

In M theory theres something about each super string possibly being an entire universe unto itself, a membrane. And when these strings bump together, universes could collide and mingle like two surfaces of water touching each other. But all the while these separate universes or strings make up another greater universe. Like the strings/particles we see and make up the things around us shape our universes with their properties.

Even the individual universes are governed by laws, even though we can shape and command them, they have polarity or yin and yang or god and goddess or right, wrong, he, she, fast slow, past ,future. Whatever you want to call it from what ever perspective you want too look at it from, be it a pagan, spiritual, scientific or a philosophical one. Or even the twin soul idea where you have another half of you operating out of the same universe as you but a different half of you thats on a different path, different person. Or, all of the above...

Everything has an equal and an opposite force or self. Some other part that works with it and against it. But as something stronger. Like poles.

For example in the raw potential everything that can exist does, and doesnt. And everything exists while not existing at the very same time, you get a clear duality there. And in everything else you look at.

Science and spirituality, philosophy have always been intermingled. But now our understanding of science and spirituality are just evolving to the point where we can see and understand their relationship, Quantum mechanics is the bastard love child of that realization.

Crazy American Blogger. - Part Three

2008-03-03T16:32:00.000-08:00

Yeah, no official government business went on in Washington at all.

One thing which the war did do for America is begin their long tradition of conducting wars with an embarassing amount of bad redneck intel to back them up, like Jefferson saying that taking Quebec would be "as simple as marching" and that would provide all the momentum needed to take Halifax.

(Took them a year just to find Quebec on a map and work up to all that marching..)

Rather than a massive overland invasion, occupying the St. Lawrence and choking out the trade routes to Canada would have made Britain most likely capitulate immediately, since they really were more concerned about the war with Napoleon.

For that matter, as much as you guys bitch about the French, you have them to thank for having a country at all. Without the distraction Napoleon gave, Britain may well have crushed the fledgling American nation, and at any rate, he sold you half of your land in the first place. Cue the violins..

Crazy American Blogger. - Part Two

2008-03-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

So, to summarize this entertaining little exercise in history:

Canada:
Repel invaders 7 times,
maintain sovereignty,
Beat back Americans
= all goals met =
WIN.

USA:
offensive goals all failed,
plus get capital sacked and relocated,
plus lose territory
= LOSE.

The only reason it was a "stalemate" (hahahahaha) at all is because the Treaty of Ghent said so. The judges scorecard holds it as a clear American loss. Which is why it is only a blip on your radar. In 100 years, your great great grandson will say "You realize whenever you people mention Vietnam / Bay of Pigs, we just chuckle, right?.. Now where’s my sister!"

"So the White House was set on fire, so what? It's where the president lives."

Sure the hell wasn’t where the President lived after it got sacked, bitch..
Since the British sent James Madison running away like a little girl. And it wasn't just the burning of one house, it was the complete destruction of the American capitol. The Americans had to relocate their nation's capital as a result.

"And back in those days, there wasn't even any official government business that went on."

Still isn’t. But that’s besides the point..
Buildings torched by the Canadian / British forces:

* Senate House
* House of Representatives
* Library of Congress
* White House
* US Treasury
* Washington Navy Yard

As well, the US Patent Office was set to be torched, but was spared at the begging bitching and moaning of the locals, and while the National Intelligencer building was spared, all their printing materials were destroyed, not that any of the locals knew how to read, anyway..

Crazy American Blogger. - Part One

2008-03-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

Part one: Crazy American blogger .

"You Canadians do realize that we chuckle whenever you mention the war of 1812, right?"

If by chuckle, you mean "Huh? Duh -What's that? I got my cock stuck in my sister", then yeah, I'd believe that.

"Besides, we weren't fighting Canadians- we were fighting the British imperial army that ruled Canada."

From Wikipedia's entry on the subject:

(On the Great Lakes border, more than half of the British forces were made up of Canadian militia.)

Wikipedia lists 10,000 British regulars and almost 90,000 Canadian militia as the forces in the war.

To say that the people living in Canada were actually British is inaccurate and ultimately meaningless. They were no more so then the Americans were and the war was the first step in forging our sovereign un-American nation.

"Oh, and another thing? It was a stalemate. No one lost or gained anything."

Canada had two goals: repel the invasion and avoid being swallowed up by the US of A. Canada met both those goals with flying colors. as credited to the British. The US failed in every war goal they had except for one, the impressments of American, and that had already ended diplomatically as the war started.

Plus, (its like beating a dead dog, but what the fuck) I hate to break it to you, America ended the war with less territory than when they started: At the time of the Treaty of Ghent, British / Canadian militia occupied part of the District of Maine. Plus, they failed to convince Canada to keep Detroit or the red wings after British -Canadian forces took the city as US troops ran the other way.

Science and spiritually overlap

2008-03-03T05:39:00.000-08:00

Eastern religion's and philosophies seem to meet science more and more everyday the more fringe science becomes mainstream. I wonder why they've been so accurate.

Maybe Since all time is now evolution hasn't really played much more of a part in reincarnation then supplying a species capable of talking about it.

Or maybe evolution and reincarnation have worked together since the beginning of life, as life evolved from single celled animals to fish and so on into mammals and birds and everything else our souls or what ever you choose to call it has gone under the same process of evolution Sort of like the universe trying to understand itself. It would need to not just evolve biologically here but spiritually. Know what I mean?

Or what if evolution just creates better antenna/brains that are better and better able to pick up and tap into the mass consciousness..